


Alien Emotions (2011)

by JennyB



Series: Lent 2011 [24]
Category: Invader Zim
Genre: Crack, Lent Challenge 2011, M/M, Questionable Friendship, Valentine's Day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-01
Updated: 2011-04-01
Packaged: 2018-01-06 18:43:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1110259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JennyB/pseuds/JennyB
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Much to Dib's surprise, Zim presents him with a gift.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Alien Emotions (2011)

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Lent Challenge 2011. Prompt: What humans do.

"Hello, Dib."

Dib looked up from his lunch when he heard Zim's sneering drawl of his name, and it put him immediately on edge. He couldn't help it; every word the alien spoke came out sounding as though it were dripping with contempt for not only him, but for the human race as a whole. It was a little hard not to take it personally. "What do you want, Zim?" he asked suspiciously, his paranoia only increasing when he saw the other standing before him with a crooked smirk on his face and his hands behind his back.

"I understand it's Valentine's Day."

"Yeah, so?"

"From what I've read, you _humans_ give gifts to each other on this day. Ridiculous objects like flowers and _candy_ to celebrate this _thing_ you call love. Disgusting human emotions! This is why your race will never conquer the universe." Zim's smirk widened. "When the Irken Armada arrives, your species will make loyal, servile pets for us; it is in your nature after all."

Dib frowned slightly. "I'm...not really seeing the connection here, Zim. If you've got a point to make -"

"Here, this is _for you_ , filthy Earth child. From me. _Zim_!" With his typical over-exaggerated mannerisms, he brought his hands forward and thrust a heart shaped chocolate box towards Dib.

Dib's first reaction was to flinch, though when he heard no explosions and didn't feel any imminent pain, he cracked open an eye, then two. Zim's exuberant smile was nothing short of creepy, and it made his skin crawl slightly. "You're giving me a gift? You?" He arched a brow in disbelief when the alien nodded. "Zim, people give gifts to people they like. You and I are mortal enemies."

"Yes we are!" Zim agreed enthusiastically. "Mortal enemies who will rain doom down on each other like so much doom-flavoured rain!" He paused for a second, as if confused by what he'd just said, and then his eyes turned uncharacteristically sober. The maniacal gleam faded away for the moment, and something that could best be described as melancholy flitted across his expression. "But you - if it wasn't my mission to so completely destroy you, maybe we'd be friends." He shrugged. "Besides, giving away useless, vile objects like this - it's what humans do." The glint was back, as was the grandiose posturing. "Humans like me." Refusing to debate any further, he shoved the box into his classmate's hands, and then returned to his seat on the far side of the cafeteria.

Dib watched Zim poke at his food for a few minutes and rather vocally denounce the quality and proclaim it as 'filthy filth', as he did every day. He sighed heavily, obviously confused by Zim's odder than usual antics, and then he looked down at the box in his hands. Slowly, he turned it over, looking for hidden recording devices, spray ducts that could release nerve toxins, or wires attached to explosives. Cautiously, he pulled off the ribbon and lifted the lid before peeling it back, again cringing slightly as he did so. He blinked in surprise when he saw that the box contained a dozen chocolates. Fairly nice looking ones, too.

"So, you've got a friend," Gaz sneered as she reached over and snagged a chocolate - the prized centre piece. "An idiot is drawn to the freak. No surprise there. But at least he has some taste and picked something good." She popped the chocolate in her mouth and chewed slowly as she returned to her handheld, once again losing herself in the thrill of slaughtering vampire pigs.

"Gaz, no!" Dib shouted, panic and concern etched on his face as he grabbed his sister by the shoulders and gave her a shake. "Don't eat that! It could be laced with poison! A virus destined to wipe out humanity! It could contain alien nanoprobes that are rewriting your DNA _as we speak_! We should analyse these at dad's lab!"

Gaz's expression turned apoplectic when her older brother's antics made her lose her game. "Let go of me right now, Dib, or I'm going to kill you," she hissed dangerously, and when he complied, she levelled a furious glare at him. "Listen to me, you freak. Your weirdness and paranoia cost me my chance for a beta version of _Zombie Death Apocalypse III_. I was on level _fifty_ , and just about to hit the save point, not to mention, the fastest completion time without needing a continue. I will pay you back for that. And it's going to be painful." She turned her attention back to her game and began playing again. After a moment, she reached out and took another confection from the box. When she'd finished chewing, she licked her lips and without looking up, she said, "They're just chocolates, Dib."

He glanced across the cafeteria then, his eyes narrowing when he saw the off-putting way Zim was staring back at him, as if waiting for something to happen. Dib snorted, and he unceremoniously dropped the box on the tabletop as he got to his feet. "You want 'em? They're yours. Just don't blame me when your brain gets enslaved by aliens." Grabbing his tray, he dumped his leftovers into the trash and left, fed up with scheming aliens and his younger sister's carelessness.

On the far side of the cafeteria, Zim's gaze dropped to his tray of beefaroni, a completely shattered expression flitting across his features. He wasn't crying - Irken invaders didn't have tear ducts. But he could definitely feel the rejection deep inside his squiggly-spooge.


End file.
